All in my Head
by Shiva Darkwater
Summary: Having spent the better part of his life watching over his best friend from afar, Hiro indulges himself with a flash of bitterness towards a not-so rival. That is... until someone rather unexpected attempts to cheer him up. (one-sided HiroShuichi)


**Author**: Shiva Darkwater **Fandom**: Gravitation **Rating**: PG **Summary**: Having spent the better part of his life watching over his best friend from afar… Hiro indulges himself with a flash of bitterness towards a not-so rival. That is… until someone rather unexpected attempts to cheer him up. **Disclaimer**: It's all thanks to the wacky yet lovable Maki Murakami that we are allowed to fawn over the characters of Gravitation. And yes, I think we're allowed to over analyze and give them more angst than necessary as well. ;; **Author's Notes**: I wrote this awhile ago yet never had the courage to actually put it anywhere. But while reading over what a friend thought about it I thought I'd give it a chance. I love Hiro… even though I don't think I can write for him very well. And just so you know, italics are used for both Hiro's thoughts AND flashbacks (as the flashbacks are also in Hiro's head) I hope that's not too confusing.

All in my Head

_I used to think that it was a natural occurrence to fall in love with your best friend. I thought that it happened to everyone. Who knows, maybe it does? But that doesn't mean that you can actually do anything about it…_  
  
Hiro sighed for the sixth time that evening. He couldn't help it. With the new gig coming up, Fujisaki had demanded that they stay late this evening and practice some more.  
  
_"Practice makes perfect! And we never will be because we never practice!" was basically the gist of what the young keyboardist had said._  
  
So Hiro had decided to stay. It wasn't like there was anything back at his apartment that demanded his attention. Unlike Shuichi…  
  
_"I have to go…" Shuichi made sure to wear his brightest smile, hoping to bypass Fujisaki's anger. "I'll be sure to be here extra early tomorrow! I promise! But right now… Yuki…"  
  
Sure Shuichi, we all know that Yuki is impatiently awaiting your arrival. But whether he is or not isn't my concern… Go home to him. That's where you really want to be right now. Leave your band behind because they're second best._  
  
It wasn't like Hiro was bitter. If he was in Shuichi's shoes he was sure that he might even act the same. It was just common nature. Shuichi would give up anything for Yuki. And it didn't matter to him what he left behind.  
  
Another sigh left Hiro's lips. He wasn't even aware of where he was until a loud bang of notes on a keyboard made him start. "Aa?" Grey eyes blinked and a sheepish smile crossed his lips. "Sorry Fujisaki…"  
  
A pout was formed on Fujisaki's lips and he gave his own sigh. "So it's true that nothing really can be accomplished if Shindou-san's not around…"  
  
"Ah, no… Really." Hiro scratched the back of his head, glancing at the ground. "It's not that. I promise to pay attention."  
  
"Don't bother… I'm going home," the other stated, already beginning to flip off the equipment. His large eyes looked up at Hiro. "Shindou-san can do what he wants… but make sure that you get some rest, okay? If we show him how much we're improving while he lags behind perhaps that will give him more incentive?"  
  
"Aa… sure thing."  
  
Fujisaki smiled. "Good. If you're going to stay behind a little then make sure to lock up. Goodnight."  
  
"Aa…" Hiro watched the other leave the room and sighed once again. It wasn't like him to lose focus like this. Things like this weren't supposed to get to him. He had been dealing with Shuichi's procrastination and laziness forever it seemed. So why, today of all days, was he letting his best friend get to him?  
  
_It's natural to be in love with your best friend… to love them more than anything else. But you can never do anything about it…_  
  
Was he jealous? Is that what this was all about? Was he actually jealous of Shuichi's affection for Yuki?  
  
"That can't be it… You're happy for him. You've been waiting for this to happen, haven't you?" Hiro muttered to himself and shook his head. No, he couldn't be jealous of Yuki.  
  
But then what was it? What could possibly be affecting him? It was silly to think about really. How long had he known Shuichi? Years… No, he couldn't be jealous of Yuki. When Shuichi told him that night that he loved Yuki, what had he felt? Happiness. Right. His best friend had finally found the love of his life. Of course Hiro would be happy for him.  
  
But there was something else among the happiness. A twinge. A hurt. A longing that had finally been cut off…  
  
_You can love your best friend… but you can never touch… because once you've touched them all is lost…_  
  
And Hiro would never get his chance again. All those days in the past of looking out for Shuichi, protecting him and keeping him safe. All of those times while he stood by his side or picked Shuichi up when he was down… All of those moments he spent just watching his best friend, memorizing every detail of those wide eyes and the subtle curl of his short hair…  
  
Hiro would never get the chance to hold him again. He would never be able to comfort Shuichi while he was down. Why should he? Yuki could do all of that for him. Yuki was the one that he loved; the one that Shuichi would run to when he was in need.  
  
_I've never felt so worthless and unneeded in my life… If only I had taken the chance when it was presented to me those years ago… When Shuichi came calling… If only I had tightened my arms a little more around him and told him…_  
  
Life was full of "if onlys…" and "I should haves…" But what did they really accomplish?  
  
"Excuse me… Ah, Hiro-kun. What are you doing here this late?"  
  
Hiro blinked, unconsciously rubbing at his eyes before glancing up at the clock. It was late… He turned to the sound of the voice. "Ah… K-san… What are you doing here this late?"  
  
A blond eyebrow rose. "Didn't I ask you that first?"  
  
Hiro just shrugged. "Just thinking about stuff I guess…"  
  
K nodded and moved to sit down beside the guitarist. "Any problems?"  
  
"Not really… but thanks for the offer…" Hiro shifted in his chair and rose to stand. "I should be going. With the gig coming up I really need to be getting some sleep…"  
  
"You haven't been sleeping well lately?" K sounded almost surprised by that.  
  
"I guess you could say that… but I'll figure things out on my own eventually." Hiro sighed. "Things change… People change… You just have to move on."  
  
With a nod, K stood as well, resting a hand on Hiro's shoulder. "I know how it is. When we lose our close connection with those we love it can affect us sometimes more than we would like it to…"  
  
Grey eyes blinked. "K-san…?"  
  
K just gave a bright smile and squeezed Hiro's shoulder. "If there's anything that I can do don't refrain from asking. Everyone should be happy!"  
  
"A-aa… I'll let you know…" Hiro tried his best to smile, inching out of K's grip. "Thank you K-san…"  
  
"Anytime!"  
  
"Goodnight…" Hiro said as he packed up his guitar and left the room. The blond man waved in return and Hiro shut the door behind him. Once again he sighed. K was right though, in an odd sort of way. The band wouldn't be able to continue if he let his emotions be bared. He would have to accept and move on… even if it killed him to do so.  
  
_When we can't end up with the one we long for, we strive for second best… or merely quietening those emotions inside of ourselves. Best friends can never fall in love._


End file.
